On yesterday...

She saw things she didn't want to see.

The pit-stains of humanity!

Lying, complaining, running away...

Selfish, sluggish, what more can she say?



Love is mostly dead

Charity is gone

The jerks reign on, triumphant

Their silly lives go on



Though the offenses are done

The masses will turn on one.

She'll get the biggest blame of all

For simply stating what she saw.

Enough with the monsters already!

I'm getting tired of hearing the word"monster" so often. I don't mean monsters in technical terms, like "vampires" (though I am pretty tired of those), I just mean the term in a generic form. It seems to have become socially and pop-culturally acceptable to be considered a monster. Kayne West, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Nicki Minaj, and Usher have all had lyrics and/or song titles referring to "monsters", and I'm sure there's a lot more. (You could probably even count Katy Perry's song ET. Aliens are sort of like monsters.)

So, why does this bother me so much? Well, just take a look at the Webster definition of the word.

Oh jeez, Steph. You put a def. in your blog? LAME!

mon·ster noun \ˈmän(t)-stər\ Definition of MONSTER
1 a: an animal or plant of abnormal form or structure
b: one who deviates from normal or acceptable behavior or character

2: a threatening force
3 a: an animal of strange or terrifying shape
b: one unusually large for its kind

I get it. Those musical artists like to be "different". They're stars, celebrities, etc. They want to portray themselves as "threatening", "terrifying", "larger than life", and so on. That's very egotistical, if you ask me. I've heard that some celebrities suffer from the "God-complex". This is just a theory of mine, but I think that the God-thing has been played out, so they're going the other route. Either way, it all comes down to the same thing. "We're different, we're terrifying, we're beautiful, but we will destroy you." So, here's the thing, I don't like that mentality. I don't think using the word "monster" sets a good example for young people.

Wow, Steph. You're now going to play the, "kids today..." card?

Yes. Yes I am.

I know that it is hard to feel accepted in the world. I've been there, I totally get it. A lot of kids go goth/emo/whatever the crap it's called nowadays because they feel depressed and like they don't belong. I also know that in their own way some celebrities are trying to help the kids out. Songs like "Beautiful", "We R Who We R", and "Born This Way" give a positive message of, "Hey, I'm okay the way I am. Love yourself..." etc. That's fine. That's great, actually. If kids feel better because of those songs, then mazel tov to them!

What I DON'T like is kids feeling better because they've "accepted" themselves as monsters! To me, that's just like throwing in the towel. "Oh well, I'm a freak of nature. What's done is done."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Do NOT give in that easily!!! Accepting yourself as a monster does nothing but guarantee a lifetime of self-loathing/depression/anti-social behavior. I don't like the word monster being thrown around as it has been. Kids need to find acceptance in a positive way. Everyone has their issues, but nobody should think that they're a monster.

No one.

Trust and Faith

"It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them. " --Confucius

It has recently come to my attention that a friend of mine doesn't trust me. Or rather, she doesn't have faith in me. Needless to say, this is unsettling.

Hold on, Steph. Who are you to talk about trust? YOU don't trust anyone! Also, as you've blogged before, you've lost faith in all humanity!

Alright, calm down. Although technically true, I never said I don't trust my FRIENDS. I just don't trust the general population... a.k.a. humanity. And I've lost faith in them mostly due to what years of retail has taught me. Customers suck.

That's besides the point. I don't understand why my friend doesn't trust me because, as far as I know, I have a squeaky-clean track record with him/her. I have most always been true to my word and I've made it a point to not cancel on planned events. Also, as of a few days ago, I was welcomed with open arms into my friend's home.

But I will admit that there is a bit of a backstory to all of this. One person I no longer trust (due to that person's actions) is friends with my distrusting-friend.

Wow. This isn't confusing at all.

Look, I'm not going to get into the technicalities, okay? My friend thinks that I am going to ruin an upcoming event by doing... well... I don't even know what... fighting, I guess, with the person I distrust.

What?

He/she thinks I'm going to cause problems, even though I've told him/her that I won't. Now, to his/her credit, it is a semi-resonable thing to be concerned about. After all, I wouldn't want drama at my get-together either. And it is somewhat reassuring that he/she has also spoken with the other party.

Jeez, Steph. Why didn't you just use fake names? It's not like either one of them read this blog... or anyone, for that matter.

What I am really trying to say is that my word is not any assurance for my friend. He/she thinks I am going to cause problems. I'm not. I have absolutely no desire to do so. All I want to do is go to the get-together, catch up with people I haven't seen in awhile, and just have fun. So what if so-and-so is going to be there? He/she had every right to be invited, same as me. I'm not ghetto and have never been very confrontational anyway. (Not to imply that all ghetto people ARE confrontational... they're not.)

But let me end by saying this... it doesn't feel good knowing that you don't trust me, friend. Considering all that's happened (and you KNOW what I mean), I think I've handled myself decently. It's at LEAST a C+. Can't you please have some faith in me?

And to you, reader; oh what you must think. "She's crazy," "She's paranoid," "She's bitter and cold," "She's cynical," "She's stupid," "She had a mean soul!"

Think what you will... I know I do.

I'm Not Dead

I just haven't blogged in a long time. Since I'm back in school again and sometimes have a lot of free time between classes I'm going to give it a go once again. I could write about a lot of things: a new school year, the end of summer, my views on current events, stupid customers, all the "shite" in my life... but I'm not going to. At least, not right now.

I'm just going to keep this short and sweet (mostly because I have a paper to write).

No matter how bad things may seem, there's always someone who has it worse. Granted, there are also people who have it better, but you should be grateful that you're not in the category of "worse".

Now, I know that wasn't a new, innovative idea. In fact, I pretty much stole it from... um... I don't really know.

Good work, moron.

But let me just say that this particular idea has been ever present in my mind as of late. And maybe, perhaps, I can pass it along to you.

Until next time...

Information Overload

I think some people are obsessed with putting their information online. They blog, tweet, facebook, etc. like there's no tomorrow.

FOUL!!! I CALL FOUL!!! HYPOCRITE, HYPOCRITE, HYPOCRITE STEPH!!!!!!!!!

Okay, okay, I get it. Granted I don't have a Twitter account (thank goodness) I will admit I facebook more than most people should.

THE BLOG, DON'T FORGET THE BLOG, STEPH!!!

Yes, well, OBVIOUSLY I blog as well. It's not a successful blog, mind you. I have maybe 5 followers, but it's still a blog, I confess.

Anyway, I'd like to bring up an episode of House I watched the other day.

Oh jeez, REALLY Steph?

Yes. Really. So this girl in her late twenties ends up in the hospital. House and his team can't figure out what's wrong with her. Imagine that! (BTW The girl was played by Donna from That 70's Show. Fun fact.)

Anyway, the girl is having trouble with her husband/boyfriend, not sure what he is exactly, because she spends WAAAAAYYYYYY too much time blogging. She blogs, and blogs, and blogs excessively. Seriously, she's sitting there dying in a hospital bed, yet she feels she has to blog the experience to her "friends". Her hubby-friend is fed up! He's sick of all the fighting and he's sick of her taking advice from random weirdos online than from him. At one point she's told she needs to decide if she wants a heart valve from a pig--which isn't permanent but it's safe, or a plastic valve--which IS permanent, but will prevent her from having children (which I don't understand, but whatever). So what does she do? Yep. She writes a blog about it asking for advice!

Okay, so the whole thing might be a fictional TV show, but I don't think it's all that unheard of. For the most part, I'm on the side of the hubby-friend. He obviously loves her and he's hurt that she won't talk about it with him. On the other hand, I kind of see her point. She's scared that she's going to die and doesn't want to make the wrong decision. If she goes with the popular vote she doesn't feel responsible for a bad outcome.

As for the people who read her blog---they're nosy. Everyone who reads another person's blog is nosy. Yes, myself included. People in general are gossipy, petty, and nosy people. No, that's not mean. Look at all the tabloids in any supermarket. People hunger for "the juice" (you can't EAT juice, silly). A lot of people are also controlling by nature. They feel like they have the right answer and should use their powers to make decisions for others.

So what does STEPH think about this? It's a multi layered situation. I think anyone who posts anything online wants feedback on it. Some people get tons of feedback, others minimal if any. Everyone wants someone in their corner to say, "Right on, sista!" and so forth. Even the most cynical people need someone on their side.

I don't see anything wrong with occasional blogging. I believe in creativity and I honestly think blogging and writing is therapeutic. However, I also think people take it too far. The girl on House is crazy! People also read too much into blogs. If no one reads it no one reads it. If too many people read it then maybe you should blog less.

What else is there to say really?

BIRDIES!!!

For those of you who don't know my house is surrounded by oak brush trees and therefore we have always had at least one bird's nest every Spring. (As far as I remember they have always been robin nests but it is possible that there's been others.) This year is no exception--but there is something a little different. Instead of in a tree we have a nest here...

I guess the mama robin wanted someplace warm for her babies.

Aren't they cute?

Don't worry, I am not bothering them too much. I just like to go out and look at them every few days or so. I have always been fascinated with birds, especially mama birds. They're so dedicated to their babies! Look at her up there just sitting and sitting. It must be boring, yet she does it. I don't know if I could do it. Who knows where the papa bird flew off? (Ha ha, I'm just saying...)

I am so glad summer is around the corner!

Friendship(?)

“Friend: A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.”

That’s the definition according to dictionary.com. That’s pretty self-explanatory, right? There’s no real need to delve into a discussion about the meaning, right? It’s not something that’s up for debate like abortion or stem cell research, right? ISN’T THAT SOMETHING THAT EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG KNOWS?

You would think so, right? Well, I guess that just isn’t the case anymore. Here’s the 21st century definition.

“Friend: A person acquainted with another through common interests with little to no feelings of affection or personal regard.”

Gee Steph, that seems kind of harsh.

I call it as I see it. Lately I’ve seen a lot of people who are taking friendship for granted and I do not like it. They’ve dropped the “affection or personal regard” part altogether. Its like they’re thinking, “I’ll call so and so to hang out with him. I don’t think he’s a friend really but he’s got a cool X-BOX that we can play together. I want to use him to ease my boredom—yeah, that’s what I’ll do!” That’s not friendship; that’s being a mooch!

But to take a step further when so and so calls him to ask for a favor then he just makes up some excuse for not wanting to help him. Backstabbing and lying are never acceptable, but ESPECIALLY when done to a supposed friend. Why are people doing this? Why are people acting so selfish? I don’t get it and to be honest I am just plain fed up!

People in the world are becoming more and more self-absorbed as each day passes. It’s no longer “Do unto others,” it is, “Survival of the fittest”. I really think that’s sad. I don’t know what can be done about it, which makes it sadder.

Why can’t people stop being jerks?

STOP!!!

STOP!
Please, life; just stop for
one brief moment.
I need to breathe. I need to take this in.
I'm stuck.
I'm sinking in a pit of quick sand.
Not really, but still...

STOP!
Please stop doubting me.
I know what I am doing
For once.
Things can't change over night. Rome wasn't
built in a day
you know?

STOP!
Please stop thinking that I am not listening.
I am.
I hear you loud and clear. This is why I came to you
and why I continue to come.

STOP!
Please stop thinking that.
I know you blame me
but it is NOT my fault!
Don't shoot the messenger.
Don't shoot me.
I am just trying to help.

STOP!
Please stop everything
and LISTEN TO ME!
But you won't listen, will you?
You don't want to hear the truth. Well, okay then,
I get it!
But when you get hurt then don't come crying to me.
Because I tried to help.

STOP!
Please Steph, stop doing this
to yourself.
Stop making yourself cry.
Stop getting worked up over things
that you can't help.
Stop being afraid.
Stop being sad.
Stop thinking that it's hopeless
it's not.
You know better than that!

Most of all, Steph
DON'T stop trying!
Don't you dare! You are stronger
than all of this.
Don't you forget it!

I know...


but it's still hard.

People

There has been something on my mind for a long time now. I haven't really had the opportunity to talk about it because, well, I don't really know why I haven't talked about it. I guess it is one of those things you don't really talk about. Even now I am worried how this is going to make me look--though I probably shouldn't worry because no one seems to read my blog anyway. Okay, enough stalling, here it is...

I hate people.

Not ALL people, mind you. I have friends, family, co-workers, and other acquaintances that I have no ill will towards at all. There are even perfect strangers who can all be put in that category, but the point remains that I just hate people as a whole.

Why Steph? Why?

Look, I have seen a lot of things in my 5 years of working retail--not to mention the 3 or 4 years of working in food and as a receptionist prior to my retail life. Needless to say, I have always dealt with people. I've seen the good and the bad, believe me. I heard a saying once...

"Working Retail made me lose all faith in humanity".

It's true! Oh my heck, it is so, so true!!!

Steph, you STILL haven't explained why you hate people!

This is what I see--people don't have respect anymore. They come into my store and mess things up without even thinking twice about it; and those who DO think about it just brush it off by saying, "Oh, it's their job to clean up after me. That's what they get paid for!" They have the notion in their head that "The customer is ALWAYS right" s0 they feel that they can just do whatever the heck they want! They think the rules don't apply to them. When I say, "There's only 6 articles of clothing in a fitting room at a time," they feel they have to argue with me. If they don't like a price of something they feel like they can pay whatever the heck they want if they simply ask to talk to a manager.

Here's something I am going to say once and for all: THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT!!! That is total crap!!! No, listen to me; when a guy comes in with a coupon that expired LAST MONTH and demands to be able to use it, how is that right? When there are signs printed all over the fitting rooms that say, "Please return all unwanted items to the fitting room attendant", yet they leave their stuff crumpled on the floor of the room, how is that right? When they got something as a gift from Wal*Mart and get mad that they can't return it for money at our store how is that right? When they steal, lie, and just totally treat the employees like crap HOW IS THAT RIGHT???

People just don't care about others anymore. They expect the whole world to bow down and worship them because they're a wife and mother and have so much work to do or they're a hardworking father who is the breadwinner of the family, or a teenager who is trying so desperately to be "cool". They think about one thing--"Ye are here to serve me, mere Target employee, who is probably a high school drop out, drug using, loser!" That's how they see us-- the "poor saps" of the retail world, and I am SICK of it!

It's not only true in the small world of a store--you see it EVERYWHERE! You drive down the freeway and some hot-shot in a camaro has to speed past you to prove that he's a real man. You see the mothers who parade their children around in fashion shows and concerts because seeing a talented kid is surely a reflection on the mother herself. You see people suing because their "hot coffee" was far too hot or that eating crap all day made them fat! "Does your life suck? Well, then blame someone else for it!" That's how people think!

The bottom line--I DO believe there are good people in the world and I also believe there are truly evil people. However, for the most part, I think everyone else are just jerks. They're certainly better than the evil people but nowhere near the category of good. People are jerks, people are mean, people are self-absorbed, selfish, judgemental, whiny jerks!



...



Ok, yeah, I ranted for a bit there, didn't I?
Recent events in my life have turned me into a cynic. Well, you know, I think I may have been one all along. I've never been much of a "people person" anyway. I'm very shy and I get very nervous and almost "panic-attacky" around new people.

Here's the real deal--I wish people would just admit that they have a problem. I wish people, as a whole, would honestly TRY and be good. I really wish we all could "just get along". That's the part deep inside of me--the part I have had to bury under layers and layers of cynicism and a tough outer shell of anger and annoyance. I guess "hate" was too strong a word to begin with. I just really wish people would change, but I know that they won't.

The thing that sucks the most is that I am going to have to just go along and not think about all the jerks of the world. Why does that suck? Because it puts me in the category right along with them----------->NOT CARING ABOUT OTHERS!!!!

What a vicious cycle.


I'm dizzy.

I think I need some chocolate to eat.

My Thoughts on Today

First off, I did not watch President Obama's (yes, I will call him President) swearing in or his speech because I was sleeping. I was not planning on watching it anyway. I did not watch either of former President Bush's or former President Clinton's second swearing in. I did watch when Clinton was sworn in the first time because my second grade teacher made us watch it. I may have watched George H.W. Bush's but I was only 4 so I don't remember and I doubt I watched Reagan's as I was an infant.

Fascinating Steph

I don't want anyone to think that I refused to watch it because I did not vote for him. I voted for Bush 4 years ago but did not watch his either.Had I been awake I probably would have watched it, but I was very tired and needed to sleep in. I did read his speech, though. I do not think it was a bad speech. It was pretty generic and what I expected it to be. I am sure it got the crowd going--as most speeches do. I am sure he got help with it and whomever helped him did a good job. Heck, I know I would want help! That would be so scary to give a speech like that!!! He certainly is braver than I am on that front.

Despite all of that I remain uneasy about the future. All I've heard ever since he began campaigning is, "Change, change, change!" I admit that we do need some change as a nation but I have never been put at ease through President Obama's words. Most of the time they've been really obvious or just a lot of fluff. I don't know what he plans to do to change things.

As I mentioned in my blog right after the election I am against the theory of sharing the wealth. That is completely ridiculous! I don't want our country to turn socialist, or worse, communist!!! That would be beyond awful!!! Then there's little things like the war, universal health care, abortion, the economy, and immigration--which I don't want to get in to today but are certainly important nonetheless. However, like I said before, I am mostly scared that our nation will be attacked again. That is the thing I fear the most. I cannot believe how we were so close as a nation seven years ago and now we are about as far away as we've ever been. How did that happen?

I do believe that today's inauguration was historic and I am not the least bit offended that an African-American is now our President. I did not vote for President Obama because I did not believe he was the right candidate for the job but as an American citizen I will always stand by the office of the President even when I do not agree with the party he is affiliated with. I do not wish any harm to come to him or his family and I still like the idea that he is letting his girls get a puppy.

There are two options now.
#1- I am right about everything and we are totally, totally screwed
0r
#2- I am wrong and everything turns out fine

President Obama, I hope I am proven wrong.

Good luck, sir.

The Ten Blogs of Christmas (#9)

REASON #9

WINTER BREAK

During Christmas you get a nice little break from school. It varies from what kind of school you attend and where you live but is still a break nonetheless. If, like me, you're a college student, this break is the much needed "sigh of relief" that comes after an extreme amount of stressing and studying for the cursed F-Word---finals.

(Come now, you didn't really think I meant THAT word, did you?)

Hmmm, this blog isn't nearly as long as I hoped it would be. I guess it is the kind of thing you don't need to ramble on about. Everyone likes a break from school, right? I sure do! The fact that you don't need to worry about homework during this time of year (unless your teacher is some kind of freak) is the icing on the cake. Right? Am I right?

Okay, well, enjoy this little clip then!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9re6CQZGFw&feature=channel_page

(P.S. If anyone can tell me how you can post a clip by doing the little screen thing I would be most grateful! :)

Ramblings about October

I have always liked the month of October. The leaves change, the weather begins to get chilly, and everyone is anticipating the second best holiday of the year--HALLOWEEN! Not only is Halloween a freakin' great holiday in and of itself, but my birthday is the day after. I am one of the few people I know that has two days worth of partying like that. (It's pretty sweet--but I am actually going to talk more about it later on.) October is a good month, unlike stupid September.

Anyway, despite all that goodness, there are a couple of things about this month that I despise. I don't like it when the weather yo-yo's like it's been doing. Yo-yo-ing is a September thing, NOT October. Seriously, it SNOWED today and it'll (apparently) be in the 70s later this week. What's that about? NOT COOL (ha ha, literally). My point is that when October rolls around we are all supposed to be ready with our jackets and sweaters with all our summer gear stored away for the winter. That's just the way it is supposed to be!

The second thing I hate about October is BASEBALL!!! I don't watch baseball and I think it is a boring sport unless you are playing it. However, I wouldn't mind it being on TV except for the fact that IT IS ALWAYS ON FOX WHEN THE SIMPSONS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON!!! There are certain days when I really need a "Simpsons Fix" but in October I am always denied BECAUSE OF STUPID BASEBALL!!! Ohhhh, that just annoys me so much!!!

Now, this doesn't always happen, but the overall October experience gets assaulted by the dirty games of the Presidential Election. I'm sure it would be unnecessary to tell you that this year has been ESPECIALLY dirty! Frankly, I am so sick of hearing about it I could very well hurl myself off of a bridge--in a sense. (And the sad thing is I haven't really been THAT involved in it at all.) I wish we could just have it next week just to get it over with. I kind of hate the fact my birthday will be spent still being annoyed and stuff.

The thing that bugs me the most about this month are the people who think they need to start thinking about Christmas! Now, this may be a topic for a future blog, but you should NOT PUT UP CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS OR START "CELEBRATING" CHRISTMAS UNTIL AT LEAST THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING!!! I know people who put up their stuff on my birthday. THAT IS WRONG!!! Thanksgiving is a very, very important holiday that is frequently overlooked (again, another blog topic for sure). But it is incredibly ridiculous when people and especially stores start putting out the Christmas stuff NOW!!! Last year at JC Penney the company made us have Christmas decorations up ON Halloween. I mean, the store was decorated for Christmas ON HALLOWEEN!!! You know how SICK that is? UGH!

CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN PEOPLE! HALLOWEEN IS AWESOME!!! AND DRESS IN A COSTUME FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!

But now, as a final thought, I just want to reiterate the fact that I like October very much. It's a good transition month. We just got over the craziness of the summer and we still have a little time before the madness of the end of November and December. It may be hard with all the ugly stuff going on, but let's all try to take a breather this month. I think it may help us all!