I'm Non-Traditional

So, apparently, I'm now considered a "Non-traditional" student at my university. It includes anyone 25 or older (me), married students, or students with children. I didn't think it was a big deal, but now I'm getting all this spam e-mail at my university address. They want me to join them and to start doing activities and such. Um, no. I don't want to do that. Just let me be!

I also went to my first class of the semester last night and I swear I'm one of the oldest students in there. I sat by a group of girls who were talking about how weird it was that they graduated from high school almost a year ago. Bloody hell!!! This is starting to weird me out.

Friendship(?)

“Friend: A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.”

That’s the definition according to dictionary.com. That’s pretty self-explanatory, right? There’s no real need to delve into a discussion about the meaning, right? It’s not something that’s up for debate like abortion or stem cell research, right? ISN’T THAT SOMETHING THAT EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG KNOWS?

You would think so, right? Well, I guess that just isn’t the case anymore. Here’s the 21st century definition.

“Friend: A person acquainted with another through common interests with little to no feelings of affection or personal regard.”

Gee Steph, that seems kind of harsh.

I call it as I see it. Lately I’ve seen a lot of people who are taking friendship for granted and I do not like it. They’ve dropped the “affection or personal regard” part altogether. Its like they’re thinking, “I’ll call so and so to hang out with him. I don’t think he’s a friend really but he’s got a cool X-BOX that we can play together. I want to use him to ease my boredom—yeah, that’s what I’ll do!” That’s not friendship; that’s being a mooch!

But to take a step further when so and so calls him to ask for a favor then he just makes up some excuse for not wanting to help him. Backstabbing and lying are never acceptable, but ESPECIALLY when done to a supposed friend. Why are people doing this? Why are people acting so selfish? I don’t get it and to be honest I am just plain fed up!

People in the world are becoming more and more self-absorbed as each day passes. It’s no longer “Do unto others,” it is, “Survival of the fittest”. I really think that’s sad. I don’t know what can be done about it, which makes it sadder.

Why can’t people stop being jerks?

Thank you, little girl

This blog goes out to someone who will never read it. This blog goes out to a little girl I came in contact with a few days ago. Here is the story…

It was a fairly typical night closing in the fitting room. There was nothing particular that happened and I found myself in the usual, “Ugh, people are annoying, I want to go home” frame of mind. (Yes, that is something I think quite often.) But then a family came in to try on clothes. The father went on the men’s side while the mother waited outside with 3 little girls. The only one I really paid attention to was the oldest of the three. If I had to guess I would say she was 7 or 8 years old. She looked at my name tag and asked how to say my name. When I told her she smiled and said, “That’s a pretty name!” I thanked her and continued hanging shirts.

She then wandered into the women’s side and came back out a minute or so with various small pieces of paper. “I picked up all the garbage,” she said. I thanked her and she continued to tell me how she always kept her bedroom clean and how she hated messy places. I told her that was a good habit to keep. She then found some hangers on the floor, hung them on my bar, and then organized them by size for me. She was eager to help me out.

I do not remember everything she said to me but I was very impressed with how polite she was. I’m sorry to say it but I do not come in contact with polite children very often. I am not saying the children I see are impolite altogether but parents usually do not teach their children to behave in stores (or anywhere in public).

I wanted to write this blog to thank that little girl for her kind behavior to me. I actually felt better after talking with her. I admire her kindness, curiosity, and happy demeanor overall. So to this I say thank you, little girl. Thank you for brightening my day. I am just sorry I never learned your name.

Question #2 (aka Negativity)

I know my past few posts have been depressing, unhappy, and just plain negative. It was never my plan for this to happen but that's just how I have been feeling lately. I wish I could post a blog that said, "Hey, something great happened today..." and hopefully I will be post one like that one day. But the truth is that things just aren't great lately. That doesn't mean that every day is bad--actually most days are okay. 80% of the time I actually do feel okay. To me okay is in the middle---not bad but also not good. But I guess I just don't type blogs about my okay days because okay is boring.

So here's my question---why do people think that "okay" means "bad"? I had a manager who recently got transferred to another store who told me I was just like her husband. "Whenever I ask him how work was he says 'fine' or 'okay'," she told me. "That's just the same thing you do Steph." When I asked her if that was a bad thing she said, "No, but it just gives the illusion that you are never good." Is she right? Well, I know I already answered that by saying that I am okay most of the time. But okay does not mean bad. Okay means okay!

I know that body language plays a bigger part in your appearance than words ever can. When people ask how I'm doing I try to say "fine/okay/good (yes, I've been saying good lately so people will think I am good)" in an upbeat way and I try my best to give out good vibes as well. So here's another question--why do I have to try so hard? It doesn't seem like other people are putting forth this much of an effort--why do I have to? And, most of all, why does it matter if I am just okay? Okay is better than bad. Heck, even I were really, really bad does that even matter in the long run? Or even if I'm really good? Does that really affect people?

It's just kind of annoying that I'm obsessing about this stupid thing so much.

STOP!!!

STOP!
Please, life; just stop for
one brief moment.
I need to breathe. I need to take this in.
I'm stuck.
I'm sinking in a pit of quick sand.
Not really, but still...

STOP!
Please stop doubting me.
I know what I am doing
For once.
Things can't change over night. Rome wasn't
built in a day
you know?

STOP!
Please stop thinking that I am not listening.
I am.
I hear you loud and clear. This is why I came to you
and why I continue to come.

STOP!
Please stop thinking that.
I know you blame me
but it is NOT my fault!
Don't shoot the messenger.
Don't shoot me.
I am just trying to help.

STOP!
Please stop everything
and LISTEN TO ME!
But you won't listen, will you?
You don't want to hear the truth. Well, okay then,
I get it!
But when you get hurt then don't come crying to me.
Because I tried to help.

STOP!
Please Steph, stop doing this
to yourself.
Stop making yourself cry.
Stop getting worked up over things
that you can't help.
Stop being afraid.
Stop being sad.
Stop thinking that it's hopeless
it's not.
You know better than that!

Most of all, Steph
DON'T stop trying!
Don't you dare! You are stronger
than all of this.
Don't you forget it!

I know...


but it's still hard.

Once upon a time

There was a fair maiden who worked in the kingdom of Targetia. Everyday she went there and spent 8 hours or so trapped in a dungeon where the visitors would throw their garments down at her. She would be responsible to clean the garments off and send them back up so they could, eventually, get thrown back down at her again. T'was a tedious, yet noble task! As the visitors walked by and taunted the maiden she was forced to smile and be polite--no matter how irritating the visitors acted. The maiden worked hard and every other week she was rewarded with one gold coin--the bare minimum that she was allowed to receive. But the maiden was a good worker and never complained about the harsh conditions of her work.

One day when the maiden arrived at Targetia she was asked to summon a servant to take the place of another servant who had grown quite ill. The maiden was sometimes required to call upon servants by the aide of a small fairy named Telly Phone. Telly had the power to transport herself to each servant's home and let the servant know that they were needed in Targetia. However, after and hour and a half of using Telly, the poor maiden was unable to find a replacement for the ill servant--and to make matters worse, ANOTHER servant had grown ill, which left the kingdom of Targetia greatly shorthanded. The maiden was greatly saddened that her fellow servants had ignored Telly because that is just a mean, mean thing to do.

When the maiden informed her leader, Sir Nick, that Telly was unable to reach anybody Sir Nick told the maiden that he appreciated her effort--but the maiden could tell that he wished the outcome would have been different. The maiden had often heard talk among other servants that they wished they could put in more hours in Targetia because there was an economic crisis at that time and every gold coin earned was very much needed. However, these same servants were the ones who ignored Telly when Targetia needed them most. Many of them did not want to come in because it was the Night of Friday--a time of dinner, dancing, and other whimsical nonsense.

The rest of the maiden's night was very stressful because many, many visitors kept throwing clothes at her. The maiden felt like the other servants had abandoned her and greatly wished that at least ONE of them would have answered Telly's call for help.

And so, the fair maiden did her very best, yet the dungeon was left in shambles. As she rode her white horse home she hoped and prayed that when she would return to Targetia in the morning she would not be criticized by knights who ruled her. Because, after all, she had tried her very, very best.



The End.

Based on a true story of events that happened on 2/27/2009

People

There has been something on my mind for a long time now. I haven't really had the opportunity to talk about it because, well, I don't really know why I haven't talked about it. I guess it is one of those things you don't really talk about. Even now I am worried how this is going to make me look--though I probably shouldn't worry because no one seems to read my blog anyway. Okay, enough stalling, here it is...

I hate people.

Not ALL people, mind you. I have friends, family, co-workers, and other acquaintances that I have no ill will towards at all. There are even perfect strangers who can all be put in that category, but the point remains that I just hate people as a whole.

Why Steph? Why?

Look, I have seen a lot of things in my 5 years of working retail--not to mention the 3 or 4 years of working in food and as a receptionist prior to my retail life. Needless to say, I have always dealt with people. I've seen the good and the bad, believe me. I heard a saying once...

"Working Retail made me lose all faith in humanity".

It's true! Oh my heck, it is so, so true!!!

Steph, you STILL haven't explained why you hate people!

This is what I see--people don't have respect anymore. They come into my store and mess things up without even thinking twice about it; and those who DO think about it just brush it off by saying, "Oh, it's their job to clean up after me. That's what they get paid for!" They have the notion in their head that "The customer is ALWAYS right" s0 they feel that they can just do whatever the heck they want! They think the rules don't apply to them. When I say, "There's only 6 articles of clothing in a fitting room at a time," they feel they have to argue with me. If they don't like a price of something they feel like they can pay whatever the heck they want if they simply ask to talk to a manager.

Here's something I am going to say once and for all: THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT!!! That is total crap!!! No, listen to me; when a guy comes in with a coupon that expired LAST MONTH and demands to be able to use it, how is that right? When there are signs printed all over the fitting rooms that say, "Please return all unwanted items to the fitting room attendant", yet they leave their stuff crumpled on the floor of the room, how is that right? When they got something as a gift from Wal*Mart and get mad that they can't return it for money at our store how is that right? When they steal, lie, and just totally treat the employees like crap HOW IS THAT RIGHT???

People just don't care about others anymore. They expect the whole world to bow down and worship them because they're a wife and mother and have so much work to do or they're a hardworking father who is the breadwinner of the family, or a teenager who is trying so desperately to be "cool". They think about one thing--"Ye are here to serve me, mere Target employee, who is probably a high school drop out, drug using, loser!" That's how they see us-- the "poor saps" of the retail world, and I am SICK of it!

It's not only true in the small world of a store--you see it EVERYWHERE! You drive down the freeway and some hot-shot in a camaro has to speed past you to prove that he's a real man. You see the mothers who parade their children around in fashion shows and concerts because seeing a talented kid is surely a reflection on the mother herself. You see people suing because their "hot coffee" was far too hot or that eating crap all day made them fat! "Does your life suck? Well, then blame someone else for it!" That's how people think!

The bottom line--I DO believe there are good people in the world and I also believe there are truly evil people. However, for the most part, I think everyone else are just jerks. They're certainly better than the evil people but nowhere near the category of good. People are jerks, people are mean, people are self-absorbed, selfish, judgemental, whiny jerks!



...



Ok, yeah, I ranted for a bit there, didn't I?
Recent events in my life have turned me into a cynic. Well, you know, I think I may have been one all along. I've never been much of a "people person" anyway. I'm very shy and I get very nervous and almost "panic-attacky" around new people.

Here's the real deal--I wish people would just admit that they have a problem. I wish people, as a whole, would honestly TRY and be good. I really wish we all could "just get along". That's the part deep inside of me--the part I have had to bury under layers and layers of cynicism and a tough outer shell of anger and annoyance. I guess "hate" was too strong a word to begin with. I just really wish people would change, but I know that they won't.

The thing that sucks the most is that I am going to have to just go along and not think about all the jerks of the world. Why does that suck? Because it puts me in the category right along with them----------->NOT CARING ABOUT OTHERS!!!!

What a vicious cycle.


I'm dizzy.

I think I need some chocolate to eat.