Trust and Faith

"It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them. " --Confucius

It has recently come to my attention that a friend of mine doesn't trust me. Or rather, she doesn't have faith in me. Needless to say, this is unsettling.

Hold on, Steph. Who are you to talk about trust? YOU don't trust anyone! Also, as you've blogged before, you've lost faith in all humanity!

Alright, calm down. Although technically true, I never said I don't trust my FRIENDS. I just don't trust the general population... a.k.a. humanity. And I've lost faith in them mostly due to what years of retail has taught me. Customers suck.

That's besides the point. I don't understand why my friend doesn't trust me because, as far as I know, I have a squeaky-clean track record with him/her. I have most always been true to my word and I've made it a point to not cancel on planned events. Also, as of a few days ago, I was welcomed with open arms into my friend's home.

But I will admit that there is a bit of a backstory to all of this. One person I no longer trust (due to that person's actions) is friends with my distrusting-friend.

Wow. This isn't confusing at all.

Look, I'm not going to get into the technicalities, okay? My friend thinks that I am going to ruin an upcoming event by doing... well... I don't even know what... fighting, I guess, with the person I distrust.

What?

He/she thinks I'm going to cause problems, even though I've told him/her that I won't. Now, to his/her credit, it is a semi-resonable thing to be concerned about. After all, I wouldn't want drama at my get-together either. And it is somewhat reassuring that he/she has also spoken with the other party.

Jeez, Steph. Why didn't you just use fake names? It's not like either one of them read this blog... or anyone, for that matter.

What I am really trying to say is that my word is not any assurance for my friend. He/she thinks I am going to cause problems. I'm not. I have absolutely no desire to do so. All I want to do is go to the get-together, catch up with people I haven't seen in awhile, and just have fun. So what if so-and-so is going to be there? He/she had every right to be invited, same as me. I'm not ghetto and have never been very confrontational anyway. (Not to imply that all ghetto people ARE confrontational... they're not.)

But let me end by saying this... it doesn't feel good knowing that you don't trust me, friend. Considering all that's happened (and you KNOW what I mean), I think I've handled myself decently. It's at LEAST a C+. Can't you please have some faith in me?

And to you, reader; oh what you must think. "She's crazy," "She's paranoid," "She's bitter and cold," "She's cynical," "She's stupid," "She had a mean soul!"

Think what you will... I know I do.