Dear Lady,

I can't believe you actually said those things to me. I've never had anyone react like that to something so stupid. I guess you were upset that I threw off the balance of your perfect little world, huh? No more pancakes and pink-unicorns for you, right? Please! We both know that's not true. You've got the better deal here. Your not hurting--you're fine!

I don't know what's become of the world. Oh sure, call me cynical. Call me a terrible person or someone who has a "bad attitude". Whatever, I'll take it. Putting the blame on me does not fix the problem though, Lady! What about YOUR actions, huh? No, we CERTAINLY cannot blame you--that would be horrible!!! But let me tell you this, Lady; I AM NOT GOING TO FOLD!!! I have done that too much lately and I have decided that enough is enough!!!

I'll cooperate as far as your part is concerned. I'm not stupid enough to tear up the Mona Lisa before anyone can get a look at it. But listen well, Lady---YOU CANNOT BREAK ME!!! YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BREAK ME!!!

What the...?

So it looks like everything has gone crazy the last 20 hours or so. Don't you love it when two people from opposite sides of your life somehow find each other---and then RIP EACH OTHER'S THROATS OUT??? Holy cow!!! Did I DIE or something? Is this Hell? It kind of feels like it--especially since I have to go to work in less than an hour. Yikes.

BTW Facebook sucks.

Six Years

Six years ago on this day a nervous 18-year-old stood waiting in a line with people she hardly knew. She primped her bushy hair and smoothed out her very attractive golden gown. When the line started moving her heart skipped a beat. As she entered the stadium she scoured the crowd and miraculously spotted her parents, brother, sister-in-law, and her niece waving and smiling at her. She was upset that her sister and sister's family had not shown up but she tried her best to ignore it. Like a solider going to battle she marched single file until she was led down a row of seats where she ended up sitting on the aisle.

As the program began she spotted a few of her friends throughout the crowd of nearly 2,000. She laughed at a friend who had been roped into singing with the choir (even though the friend enjoyed her role in the ceremony). She even spotted a boy she liked and blushed a little when he waved to her. (Ah, schmaltzy teenage affection!) After an hour and a half or so of listening to boring speeches and watching nearly everyone else take "the walk" her row stood up and, again, she obediently followed.

Once she had made it to the back of the stage her palms began to sweat and her heart pounded like a kettle drum. She then heard whisperings of some of the people ahead of her. There had apparently been a mistake. The end of the S's and the beginning of the T's had come down before the end of the R's and the beginning of the S's. She realized that as an "SU" she would be walking before someone she knew who was an "ST". She panicked for a minute and wondered if this alphabetical error would cost her from walking. However, as those ahead of her began to walk without a problem she knew she would be fine.

Finally the big moment came. As she stood at the "doorway" the student body president (with whom she always had thought was very, very cute) looked at her name card and said it to her in full to make sure it had been pronounced correctly. She nodded nervously and when she heard her name echoed overhead she walked tall down the walkway. The principal and some administrators shook her hand and one of them asked where she would be going to college.
"Utah State," she mumbled nervously. She then paused for a picture (where her parents later decided NOT to buy because it totally was a rip-off) where they handed her the diploma frame and she made her way back to her seat.

After it was all over she pushed her way outside through the crowd, took pictures with her family, and once she returned the fabulous golden gown (although it was better then the brown that the boys had to wear) a PTA lady pulled a piece of paper out of a file and handed it to her. She stared at the paper for the moment before she slid it into the leather, book-style frame.
Thirteen years of public schooling had brought her to this moment. Steph had graduated from high school.

...

As I sit here six years later I can still recall moments of that day quite well (obviously). Although my life is not exactly what I thought it would be I can not deny that I have come down quite a road and have accomplished a lot since then. I am hoping to be a part of another graduation ceremony in the next year as I have recently learned that I am officially a college senior. Who knows what else could happen along the way? I guess it is true--today is the first day of the rest of my life.

BIRDIES!!!

For those of you who don't know my house is surrounded by oak brush trees and therefore we have always had at least one bird's nest every Spring. (As far as I remember they have always been robin nests but it is possible that there's been others.) This year is no exception--but there is something a little different. Instead of in a tree we have a nest here...

I guess the mama robin wanted someplace warm for her babies.

Aren't they cute?

Don't worry, I am not bothering them too much. I just like to go out and look at them every few days or so. I have always been fascinated with birds, especially mama birds. They're so dedicated to their babies! Look at her up there just sitting and sitting. It must be boring, yet she does it. I don't know if I could do it. Who knows where the papa bird flew off? (Ha ha, I'm just saying...)

I am so glad summer is around the corner!

Friendship(?)

“Friend: A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.”

That’s the definition according to dictionary.com. That’s pretty self-explanatory, right? There’s no real need to delve into a discussion about the meaning, right? It’s not something that’s up for debate like abortion or stem cell research, right? ISN’T THAT SOMETHING THAT EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG KNOWS?

You would think so, right? Well, I guess that just isn’t the case anymore. Here’s the 21st century definition.

“Friend: A person acquainted with another through common interests with little to no feelings of affection or personal regard.”

Gee Steph, that seems kind of harsh.

I call it as I see it. Lately I’ve seen a lot of people who are taking friendship for granted and I do not like it. They’ve dropped the “affection or personal regard” part altogether. Its like they’re thinking, “I’ll call so and so to hang out with him. I don’t think he’s a friend really but he’s got a cool X-BOX that we can play together. I want to use him to ease my boredom—yeah, that’s what I’ll do!” That’s not friendship; that’s being a mooch!

But to take a step further when so and so calls him to ask for a favor then he just makes up some excuse for not wanting to help him. Backstabbing and lying are never acceptable, but ESPECIALLY when done to a supposed friend. Why are people doing this? Why are people acting so selfish? I don’t get it and to be honest I am just plain fed up!

People in the world are becoming more and more self-absorbed as each day passes. It’s no longer “Do unto others,” it is, “Survival of the fittest”. I really think that’s sad. I don’t know what can be done about it, which makes it sadder.

Why can’t people stop being jerks?

Not Fair!

I woke up today feeling like I have been hit by a truck even though I got a lot of sleep. I have a bad, bad cold and I don't want to do anything but just lay here on the couch and die. (Even sitting up now with the laptop is kind of making me nauseous). Naturally I did not go to work today. I have always thought that when you don't feel well you should try to go to work anyway. In the past I have done this and have been sent home. That seems more responsible than calling out because people often fake it when they call. (I hear it first hand because I am the one who answers the phones and I can tell when people are faking or when they sound perfectly healthy). Today, though, I decided just to call out because I knew if I went they would have sent me home anyway. I really had the best intentions in mind but now it seems like everything has turned around and bitten me in the butt.

I called my work a little bit after I woke up (like at 7:30am-ish) so I could give them notice because I was scheduled at 8am. Since the store was closed no one answered (even though they are SUPPOSED to) and I was stuck waiting and waiting for TWENTY-MINUTES!!! Finally a girl on the floor answered and transferred me to the manager. When I talked to the manager and told her I was not coming in she asked me what time I was scheduled. When I told her 8am she got mad and said, "That's in ten minutes!" When I explained to her how I had been waiting for 20 mins she said, "Yeah, the phone's not working. I know you're sick but you've really put us in a bind, you know!" I then, trying to help her, gave her the name of someone she could call in my place (because part of my job is to call people to come in and cover shifts) but she still seemed pissed off and just kind of hung up on me.

I've never been a manager and I know they deal with a lot of stress and stuff but I am not happy of the attitude she had towards me! I have only called out once for an emergency and I have been sent home a few times for being sick but other than that I have always been dependable and a great worker! I know people are going to say to me, "Well, that's just how it is in the retail world". Yeah, I know that. I KNOW THAT!!! I also know there's nothing I can do about it and I shouldn't fret over something so stupid. But the thing is that it really, honestly, truly is UNFAIR!!!

Why do all the dimpy little teen aged cashiers get to call out whenever the crap they want to go hang out with their friends but all hell breaks loose on me for calling out because I am genuinely sick? Why are they telling us at work to wash our hands a lot and use hand sanitizers because of all the Swine Flu crap but I get yelled at for actually being sick? I am tired of being taken advantage of. Good workers should be rewarded for their loyalty but they never are, and it sucks! I don't know if I can deal with the retail world any longer! My sister's right, I need to get out of there.

Thank you, little girl

This blog goes out to someone who will never read it. This blog goes out to a little girl I came in contact with a few days ago. Here is the story…

It was a fairly typical night closing in the fitting room. There was nothing particular that happened and I found myself in the usual, “Ugh, people are annoying, I want to go home” frame of mind. (Yes, that is something I think quite often.) But then a family came in to try on clothes. The father went on the men’s side while the mother waited outside with 3 little girls. The only one I really paid attention to was the oldest of the three. If I had to guess I would say she was 7 or 8 years old. She looked at my name tag and asked how to say my name. When I told her she smiled and said, “That’s a pretty name!” I thanked her and continued hanging shirts.

She then wandered into the women’s side and came back out a minute or so with various small pieces of paper. “I picked up all the garbage,” she said. I thanked her and she continued to tell me how she always kept her bedroom clean and how she hated messy places. I told her that was a good habit to keep. She then found some hangers on the floor, hung them on my bar, and then organized them by size for me. She was eager to help me out.

I do not remember everything she said to me but I was very impressed with how polite she was. I’m sorry to say it but I do not come in contact with polite children very often. I am not saying the children I see are impolite altogether but parents usually do not teach their children to behave in stores (or anywhere in public).

I wanted to write this blog to thank that little girl for her kind behavior to me. I actually felt better after talking with her. I admire her kindness, curiosity, and happy demeanor overall. So to this I say thank you, little girl. Thank you for brightening my day. I am just sorry I never learned your name.

Obama is God--apparently

I know this is old, old news but for the life of me I cannot understand why Obama decided an Ipod was a good gift to give the Queen of England! Seriously, what was going through his head? It's not the fact that an Ipod is a bad gift to give somebody but the Queen is not just a "somebody". She's a Queen for crying out loud! And don't give me the "But she already HAS everything else," spiel. As the leader of our country he should have given her a gift that represents us. He could have given her something that commemorates a part of U.S. history or something. His gift should have shown her his respect and admiration for her. I mean, why do I even has to EXPLAIN this? She's the Queen of England!!! Almost ANYTHING would have been better than a freakin' Ipod!!!


But the thing that's bothering me the most is how the news media isn't even talking about it. Well, unless you count this idiot
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/editorial/outlook/6359512.html

I nearly vomited when I read this article!!!


I can GUARANTEE that if Bush had given her a gift like that the news would be all over it--calling him a redneck, a moron, or whatever. But Obama does it and no one says boo. Not to mention the fact that Michelle Obama broke protocol by HUGGING the Queen. You're not supposed to touch the Queen at all--even little kids know that!

(EDIT: Ok, so I've now read that the Queen herself initiated the hug-- if that's true then it was okay for her to do that.)

Michelle probably meant well but it's just the fact that they seemed ill-informed or that they just chose to ignore the rules altogether. The British people love and admire their royalty. Pretty much everything they do is "For the Queen". To me it just shows utter ignorance and lack of respect on the part of the Obamas.

So Obama is God apparently. He can do whatever he wants and all the millions of people who love him will just fall down and worship him. He dons all the magazine covers and even has collector cards in his honor(it's true, we sell them at Target). Every freakin' day those dumb news entertainment shows talk about "What did Michelle wear today" and stuff. I know that in the past a president and his family have always been considered newsworthy but this time it has risen to epic and frightening proportions. They're treated as super, duper, mega-tron celebrities!!! It's madness!

I really don't like where this is going. Doesn't anyone else see how this is a bad thing?

Question #2 (aka Negativity)

I know my past few posts have been depressing, unhappy, and just plain negative. It was never my plan for this to happen but that's just how I have been feeling lately. I wish I could post a blog that said, "Hey, something great happened today..." and hopefully I will be post one like that one day. But the truth is that things just aren't great lately. That doesn't mean that every day is bad--actually most days are okay. 80% of the time I actually do feel okay. To me okay is in the middle---not bad but also not good. But I guess I just don't type blogs about my okay days because okay is boring.

So here's my question---why do people think that "okay" means "bad"? I had a manager who recently got transferred to another store who told me I was just like her husband. "Whenever I ask him how work was he says 'fine' or 'okay'," she told me. "That's just the same thing you do Steph." When I asked her if that was a bad thing she said, "No, but it just gives the illusion that you are never good." Is she right? Well, I know I already answered that by saying that I am okay most of the time. But okay does not mean bad. Okay means okay!

I know that body language plays a bigger part in your appearance than words ever can. When people ask how I'm doing I try to say "fine/okay/good (yes, I've been saying good lately so people will think I am good)" in an upbeat way and I try my best to give out good vibes as well. So here's another question--why do I have to try so hard? It doesn't seem like other people are putting forth this much of an effort--why do I have to? And, most of all, why does it matter if I am just okay? Okay is better than bad. Heck, even I were really, really bad does that even matter in the long run? Or even if I'm really good? Does that really affect people?

It's just kind of annoying that I'm obsessing about this stupid thing so much.

Let It Be

Have you ever sat down and listened to the lyrics of The Beatles' song Let It Be?

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

You know, that's something to think about. Someone recently told me, "There are three ways to handle a (difficult) situation; Do it, don’t do it, or just do nothing at all. It is never good to just do nothing because then you don’t have control over the results.”

Sorry, but I do not agree with that. Sometimes you've got to just let it be.

Just think about it.

EDIT: Go into my comments to read a fun fact brought to you in part by Theresa.

(No seriously, do it. I totally didn't know that!)

STOP!!!

STOP!
Please, life; just stop for
one brief moment.
I need to breathe. I need to take this in.
I'm stuck.
I'm sinking in a pit of quick sand.
Not really, but still...

STOP!
Please stop doubting me.
I know what I am doing
For once.
Things can't change over night. Rome wasn't
built in a day
you know?

STOP!
Please stop thinking that I am not listening.
I am.
I hear you loud and clear. This is why I came to you
and why I continue to come.

STOP!
Please stop thinking that.
I know you blame me
but it is NOT my fault!
Don't shoot the messenger.
Don't shoot me.
I am just trying to help.

STOP!
Please stop everything
and LISTEN TO ME!
But you won't listen, will you?
You don't want to hear the truth. Well, okay then,
I get it!
But when you get hurt then don't come crying to me.
Because I tried to help.

STOP!
Please Steph, stop doing this
to yourself.
Stop making yourself cry.
Stop getting worked up over things
that you can't help.
Stop being afraid.
Stop being sad.
Stop thinking that it's hopeless
it's not.
You know better than that!

Most of all, Steph
DON'T stop trying!
Don't you dare! You are stronger
than all of this.
Don't you forget it!

I know...


but it's still hard.

Once upon a time

There was a fair maiden who worked in the kingdom of Targetia. Everyday she went there and spent 8 hours or so trapped in a dungeon where the visitors would throw their garments down at her. She would be responsible to clean the garments off and send them back up so they could, eventually, get thrown back down at her again. T'was a tedious, yet noble task! As the visitors walked by and taunted the maiden she was forced to smile and be polite--no matter how irritating the visitors acted. The maiden worked hard and every other week she was rewarded with one gold coin--the bare minimum that she was allowed to receive. But the maiden was a good worker and never complained about the harsh conditions of her work.

One day when the maiden arrived at Targetia she was asked to summon a servant to take the place of another servant who had grown quite ill. The maiden was sometimes required to call upon servants by the aide of a small fairy named Telly Phone. Telly had the power to transport herself to each servant's home and let the servant know that they were needed in Targetia. However, after and hour and a half of using Telly, the poor maiden was unable to find a replacement for the ill servant--and to make matters worse, ANOTHER servant had grown ill, which left the kingdom of Targetia greatly shorthanded. The maiden was greatly saddened that her fellow servants had ignored Telly because that is just a mean, mean thing to do.

When the maiden informed her leader, Sir Nick, that Telly was unable to reach anybody Sir Nick told the maiden that he appreciated her effort--but the maiden could tell that he wished the outcome would have been different. The maiden had often heard talk among other servants that they wished they could put in more hours in Targetia because there was an economic crisis at that time and every gold coin earned was very much needed. However, these same servants were the ones who ignored Telly when Targetia needed them most. Many of them did not want to come in because it was the Night of Friday--a time of dinner, dancing, and other whimsical nonsense.

The rest of the maiden's night was very stressful because many, many visitors kept throwing clothes at her. The maiden felt like the other servants had abandoned her and greatly wished that at least ONE of them would have answered Telly's call for help.

And so, the fair maiden did her very best, yet the dungeon was left in shambles. As she rode her white horse home she hoped and prayed that when she would return to Targetia in the morning she would not be criticized by knights who ruled her. Because, after all, she had tried her very, very best.



The End.

Based on a true story of events that happened on 2/27/2009

People

There has been something on my mind for a long time now. I haven't really had the opportunity to talk about it because, well, I don't really know why I haven't talked about it. I guess it is one of those things you don't really talk about. Even now I am worried how this is going to make me look--though I probably shouldn't worry because no one seems to read my blog anyway. Okay, enough stalling, here it is...

I hate people.

Not ALL people, mind you. I have friends, family, co-workers, and other acquaintances that I have no ill will towards at all. There are even perfect strangers who can all be put in that category, but the point remains that I just hate people as a whole.

Why Steph? Why?

Look, I have seen a lot of things in my 5 years of working retail--not to mention the 3 or 4 years of working in food and as a receptionist prior to my retail life. Needless to say, I have always dealt with people. I've seen the good and the bad, believe me. I heard a saying once...

"Working Retail made me lose all faith in humanity".

It's true! Oh my heck, it is so, so true!!!

Steph, you STILL haven't explained why you hate people!

This is what I see--people don't have respect anymore. They come into my store and mess things up without even thinking twice about it; and those who DO think about it just brush it off by saying, "Oh, it's their job to clean up after me. That's what they get paid for!" They have the notion in their head that "The customer is ALWAYS right" s0 they feel that they can just do whatever the heck they want! They think the rules don't apply to them. When I say, "There's only 6 articles of clothing in a fitting room at a time," they feel they have to argue with me. If they don't like a price of something they feel like they can pay whatever the heck they want if they simply ask to talk to a manager.

Here's something I am going to say once and for all: THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT!!! That is total crap!!! No, listen to me; when a guy comes in with a coupon that expired LAST MONTH and demands to be able to use it, how is that right? When there are signs printed all over the fitting rooms that say, "Please return all unwanted items to the fitting room attendant", yet they leave their stuff crumpled on the floor of the room, how is that right? When they got something as a gift from Wal*Mart and get mad that they can't return it for money at our store how is that right? When they steal, lie, and just totally treat the employees like crap HOW IS THAT RIGHT???

People just don't care about others anymore. They expect the whole world to bow down and worship them because they're a wife and mother and have so much work to do or they're a hardworking father who is the breadwinner of the family, or a teenager who is trying so desperately to be "cool". They think about one thing--"Ye are here to serve me, mere Target employee, who is probably a high school drop out, drug using, loser!" That's how they see us-- the "poor saps" of the retail world, and I am SICK of it!

It's not only true in the small world of a store--you see it EVERYWHERE! You drive down the freeway and some hot-shot in a camaro has to speed past you to prove that he's a real man. You see the mothers who parade their children around in fashion shows and concerts because seeing a talented kid is surely a reflection on the mother herself. You see people suing because their "hot coffee" was far too hot or that eating crap all day made them fat! "Does your life suck? Well, then blame someone else for it!" That's how people think!

The bottom line--I DO believe there are good people in the world and I also believe there are truly evil people. However, for the most part, I think everyone else are just jerks. They're certainly better than the evil people but nowhere near the category of good. People are jerks, people are mean, people are self-absorbed, selfish, judgemental, whiny jerks!



...



Ok, yeah, I ranted for a bit there, didn't I?
Recent events in my life have turned me into a cynic. Well, you know, I think I may have been one all along. I've never been much of a "people person" anyway. I'm very shy and I get very nervous and almost "panic-attacky" around new people.

Here's the real deal--I wish people would just admit that they have a problem. I wish people, as a whole, would honestly TRY and be good. I really wish we all could "just get along". That's the part deep inside of me--the part I have had to bury under layers and layers of cynicism and a tough outer shell of anger and annoyance. I guess "hate" was too strong a word to begin with. I just really wish people would change, but I know that they won't.

The thing that sucks the most is that I am going to have to just go along and not think about all the jerks of the world. Why does that suck? Because it puts me in the category right along with them----------->NOT CARING ABOUT OTHERS!!!!

What a vicious cycle.


I'm dizzy.

I think I need some chocolate to eat.

My Thoughts on Today

First off, I did not watch President Obama's (yes, I will call him President) swearing in or his speech because I was sleeping. I was not planning on watching it anyway. I did not watch either of former President Bush's or former President Clinton's second swearing in. I did watch when Clinton was sworn in the first time because my second grade teacher made us watch it. I may have watched George H.W. Bush's but I was only 4 so I don't remember and I doubt I watched Reagan's as I was an infant.

Fascinating Steph

I don't want anyone to think that I refused to watch it because I did not vote for him. I voted for Bush 4 years ago but did not watch his either.Had I been awake I probably would have watched it, but I was very tired and needed to sleep in. I did read his speech, though. I do not think it was a bad speech. It was pretty generic and what I expected it to be. I am sure it got the crowd going--as most speeches do. I am sure he got help with it and whomever helped him did a good job. Heck, I know I would want help! That would be so scary to give a speech like that!!! He certainly is braver than I am on that front.

Despite all of that I remain uneasy about the future. All I've heard ever since he began campaigning is, "Change, change, change!" I admit that we do need some change as a nation but I have never been put at ease through President Obama's words. Most of the time they've been really obvious or just a lot of fluff. I don't know what he plans to do to change things.

As I mentioned in my blog right after the election I am against the theory of sharing the wealth. That is completely ridiculous! I don't want our country to turn socialist, or worse, communist!!! That would be beyond awful!!! Then there's little things like the war, universal health care, abortion, the economy, and immigration--which I don't want to get in to today but are certainly important nonetheless. However, like I said before, I am mostly scared that our nation will be attacked again. That is the thing I fear the most. I cannot believe how we were so close as a nation seven years ago and now we are about as far away as we've ever been. How did that happen?

I do believe that today's inauguration was historic and I am not the least bit offended that an African-American is now our President. I did not vote for President Obama because I did not believe he was the right candidate for the job but as an American citizen I will always stand by the office of the President even when I do not agree with the party he is affiliated with. I do not wish any harm to come to him or his family and I still like the idea that he is letting his girls get a puppy.

There are two options now.
#1- I am right about everything and we are totally, totally screwed
0r
#2- I am wrong and everything turns out fine

President Obama, I hope I am proven wrong.

Good luck, sir.